The Unforgettable Place: My Grandmother’s Kitchen

Back in the days of my childhood, my grandparents were essential in our family; they gave unconditional comfort and lessons in life. My grandmother’s house was a place to relax, and my siblings and I loved her home, where everything smelled older, warm and safe. However, her house was a special place when my siblings and I played games in my grandma’s kitchen. We ran through her kitchen, fought, screamed and laughed there. As a kid, the kitchen was a safe heaven. When I was there, everything in the world was fine, and all the troubles were blocked out. When we spent time with my grandmother, we had a sense of comfort that I could not find anyplace else. She could console us, chasing away our foul moods when we were down. The sight of my grandmother’s smile would bring my world back to normal.

However, when I think about my grandma’s kitchen, it reminds me that it had nothing special. It had a red, rustic tile floor, a big cedar table, chairs which were not fancy or new, and two big windows facing the street that were twenty years old. The obvious off-white coloring showed their age. Her old, white refrigerator showed some spots of rust.  The walls had all the old kitchenware and utensils because my grandmother refused to throw any of them out. Also, all the old broken-handled ladles and serving spoons with their bent necks were hidden in some cabinets. As a kid, I did not really mind the look of her kitchen. I cared more about the food it produced.

One deep memory that comes to my mind is the aroma of food, which it had baked itself into the furniture. I think that my Grandma Caterina is the best chef in the world.  She made a delicious onion soup that made my stomach smile and my favorite a homemade pumpkin cake. Also, I can never forget the smell of paella in the house. I remember her drawers of seasonings and spices whose smell fully impregnated the kitchen and the pantry. She used natural, fresh ingredients and a lot of seasoning and spices; therefore, the taste of her food was also unforgettable. When I was growing up, she let me try to cook sometimes. She taught me a lot of recipes, especially her pizza. She explained every single detail about the pizza recipe, which was very famous. When I made her pizza, all my friends loved it.

Another remarkable memory is that my grandma’s kitchen was the central point of our family meetings. For example, when we were all sitting together around in her old cedar table, we said grace for the food. I also remember when I held my brother’s hand; he waved it during our prayer as well as our special Christmas dinner when we made our hallacas. The preparation of the hallacas had different steps, and each person had a special task during their preparation.  It was really fun, and we enjoyed preparing the hallaca on her cozy table. 

 We all contributed something. Also, all my cousins and aunts met at her old table cedar to enjoy a coffee or her delicious homemade cookies or cake. She always had something in her kitchen for us to eat; therefore, her pantry was full. 

 My grandmother and the times in her kitchen are part of my best childhood memories; I always will hold them close to my heart.

Conflict and Negotiations

Conflict is common to organizations; some organizations have more than others. Managing conflict and engaging in effective negotiation are both key for effective management. One major way to avoid conflicts from escalating to high levels is through understanding the causes of conflict and developing methods for managing potential negative outcomes. Negotiation is one of the most effective ways to decrease conflicts. There are five styles of handling conflict: collaborating, accommodating, competing, avoiding and compromising (Nelson and Quick, 2013, p.491). Each style depends on the way people handle conflict.

Conflict Handling Style

Collaborating style is most effective when every party gains something. With a win-win solution to the problem, no one gives up what is a personally important. After reading the chapter of conflict and negotiation, I learned that this conflict-handling style has been presented in most of our daily life, so you have to give something not just because it is for a personal interest; it is just the best and fair way to solve a conflict.

Compromising style. Compromising is a middle-ground style (Nelson and Quick, 2013, p.494).   Both parties respect each other’s goals or opinions. I think when we talk about compromise each party sacrifices something valuable to them. This part should be priceless in a negotiation process.

In contrast, both collaborating and compromising styles can be less effective if it has excessive personal attacks or underhanded strategies. For example, if managers do not listen to employees’ claims, they can generate a climate of mistrust, which hinders the teamwork and cooperation necessary to get the work done. Employees have high stress levels and anxiety in their jobs, which influence over productivity and encourage interpersonal conflict. Additionally, both styles could be less effective when interpersonal conflict is present as fixation. For example, if one of the parties maintains a persistent position without flexibility, this behavior does not encourage finding an integrative solution and working on a common goal.

 The most difficult style to use is the competing style because people want to get their personal goals regardless what the other party says or feels. In the competing style, individuals push for the deal they are interested in making, and relationships with others are poor. Thus, in the negotiating phase of a conflict two parties are required because when only one party prevails, she/he does not reach agreement in matters of finding a common goal. I think that competing style is effective if someone has strong moral objection to the alternatives or if the alternatives one is opposing are unethical; for example, during the purchasing process, some people present an offer , but this offer brings a hiding or unknown proposal. I think under no circumstance would this offer be fair and honest. When an unethical proposal is over the table, I think that competing style is really effective to clarify all the conditions and terms of an agreement, and ethics is the way of doing it right, fair and honest.

Negotiation Process of Getting a New Job Position

            Based on my dominant style which is collaborating, I started the negotiation process with the objective to find a win- win solution on negotiation package in which both parties get what they want. My negotiation process of getting a new job position was executed in four steps:

The first step was setting my two main goals.

I started getting information based on the market about my new job position, salary, signing bonus, vacation days and moving expenses. Professor Lawrence, P. (1919 - 1990) said that” If you don’t know where you’re going, you will probably end up somewhere else.” Then, I defined my goals for negotiation, so I set the following goals:

1.      Get the open job position as MEDWARE Program Manager in Computron Pharmaceutical.   .

2.      Negotiate my ideal package of $ 120,000. (See Appendix 1) or find the best alternative to negotiated agreement (BATNA) with an average package (See Appendix 1).
The second step was determining my BATNA.

 

My strategy consisted of preparing two scenarios for my proposal package. I believe that in each negotiation process you have to create additional alternatives to encourage both parties a healthy discussion; otherwise, when you have only one option, it is highly risky because a fixed position could turn into a boomerang. In this situation, one party does not express her/his concern or position. Under this circumstance you probably close the door to new opportunities that you are omitting. Being open to new options or ideas is the best way to receive the best proposal.

In the first scenario, I estimated the aspirational target, which was my ideal package. My ideal package with a dollar value to me" was $ 120,000, but I did not disclose to Mr. Thorton specific figures of my dollar value. Only, I gave Mr. Thorton the equivalent of the estimate package of $ 100.000 based on the market. The first offer had the following items:

·         Salary: $70,000,

·         Vacation days: 15,

·         Signing bonus: $10,000,

·         Moving expenses: $ 10.000.

Additionally, I have a scheduled trip to Europe in June. In consequence, I will be available to start working on July 1st.

My second scenario was finding the best alternative to negotiated agreement (BATNA) with an average package of $95.000 (See Appendix 1). I kept the salary at $ 70,000, and I did average the others items.  

The third step was working on the negotiation process.

The best starting point for a fair negotiation is being honest, keeping our promise and treating others the way you would like to be treated. Getting information was key to my first stage. I already had at hand information about the committee good impression with my credentials and experience, as I was the only candidate that would not require extensive training. This position gave me more confidence in continuing with the negotiation process. Then, I presented my first offer to Mr. Thorton. 

The negotiation process entered into a new stage, which was the bargaining range. In this stage each party had their reservation package, but each party discussed the goals and sought to get an agreement.  Afterwards, I received a counteroffer from Mr. Thorton. It was great news because when you perceive that the other party wants for a deal, you have the opportunity to negotiate. Additionally, Mr. Thorton said that “I have met with several of my firm members and we think you would be a perfect fit for the Program Manager position. You have a very impressive resume and we think that you can come in and be a star right away.” This type of comment is really nice to hear from your future boss.

 I started revising his offer very carefully, which added up my dollar value of $ 87,500. See Appendix 1. This counteroffer was under my average package of $95,000. Additionally, Mr. Thorton remarked  that “ we have an important project with a critical deadline that we need your help on, which is why we would prefer that you start on June 1st... we will give you 10 vacation days...We normally don't give signing bonuses or pay for moving expenses but we would like to make an exception for you. We would like to give you a $5,000 signing bonus and $5,000 for moving expenses. “

Based on Mr. Thorton’s counteroffer, the negotiation process was in the adjustment stage.  A natural part of this negotiation process is making concessions, namely, giving up one thing to get something else in return.  I moved on working with my average package of $95.000. Win-win solution was always present in the negotiation process; the goal was to a reach agreement in matters of finding a common goal, which is also defined as integrative approach in the negotiation (Nelson and Quick, 2013, p.490). I saw that his counteroffer kept the original proposed salary at $ 70.000, so I realized that he wanted a good employee at a fair price. The following items, such as vacation days, signing bonus and moving expenses had changed compared to my initial proposed package, but within my average package with the average package; therefore, I agreed with the items. However, we had a conflict with the starting date. This situation brought my second style, compromise. In this stage each part has to make some effort to find the best outcome without affect any party. At times it makes sense to build in some conflict over ideas if none exists.

 I told Mr. Thorton that “regarding the starting date, July 1^st is the convenient date in order to honor a commitment that I agreed upon before starting the interview process.” I think that each style depends on the way people handle conflict and the circumstance or situation because it was a fact I had a commitment in June, but Mr. Thorton did not know about it. Therefore, effective communication helps us better understand a specific situation and enables us to resolve differences, and listening is one of the most important part of effective communication. Successful listening means not just understanding the words or the information being communicated, but also understanding how the speaker feels about what they are communicating. In this situation, Mr. Thorton understood my commitment and I understood that Mr. Thorton had an important project with a critical deadline that I need to help him. Both effective communication and listening are necessary during a negotiation process (Nelson and Quick, 2013, p.476).

The fourth step was the closure of our negotiation process.

Finally, I recognized that if we work around the average package of $ 95,000, our final negotiation would be close; therefore, the final stage of closure was coming. Immediately, Mr. Thorton sent a new offer where he extended the starting date to June 15^th ,  increased the signing bonus from $5,000 to $10,000 and  reduced the vacations days from 10 to 5. Then, I told him that I agreed with this final offer. We closed with a win-win offer (See Appendix 1).

This negotiation process was a great learning experience since it presented new concepts and skills to me. Moreover, I realized when both conflict styles collaborating and compromising were presented during the negotiation process. Knowing my styles, it helped me better understand my negotiation process and outcomes. I worked with the collaborating style in one part of the negotiation process, but I needed comprising style in another stage. I could use both handled style.

Having a goal well defined is really important because during negotiation, you will inevitably be making choices. It is best to know what you want. Also, researching on salary levels is important since in job negotiation, the other side wants a good employee at a fair price. Thus, I think the best strategy to reach achieving the best outcome from a conflict is listening to both parties.

Appendix I

Table A: Comparative Table of Hiring Package at the overall value of the settlement by adding up the "value to you $"

Items	Ideal Package (Scenario 1)	Average Package or BATNA (Scenario 2)	Mr. Thorton’s Counteroffer	Win-Win Offer
Salary	$ 70,000	$ 70,000	$ 70,000	$ 70,000
Vacation Days	(15) $10.000	(10) $5,000	(10)  $ 5.000	(5)   -
Signing Bonus	$ 10,000	$5,000	$ 5,000	$ 10,000
Moving Expenses	$ 10,000	$ 7,500	$ 7,500	$ 7,500
Start Date	July 1st $15,000	June 15th $7.500	June 1st -	June 15th $7,500
Total” Value to you”	$120,000	$95,000	$ 87,500	$95.000

A Tale of Two Coaches: Coach K and Coach Knight

The key components of leadership will be analyzed in styles of two basketballs coaches, Coach Bobby Knight, and Coach Mike Krzyzewski (Coach K.). Either case, the leader's singular job is to get results, but the question is which style best addresses the challenges on a particular situation. Goleman details the types of business situations each style is best suited for, and he explains how leaders lacking one or more of these styles can expand their repertories, which precise leadership behaviors to yield positive results. Furthermore, Goleman maintains that with practice leaders can switch among leadership styles to produce powerful results.

Values, Character and Leadership Styles

The styles, by character and brief description to each personality, showed a contrast in their leadership. However, it is necessary to know more deeply about their values which define partially their characters. In this ground, Mike and Bob had many things in common. For example: according to the article published by Snook, Perlow and Delacey, Coach Knight had six important values: Knight learned the value of discipline, had passion for excellence, honesty, commitment “Knight had an obsession for the hard work, and preparation” perfectionism and solidarity, demonstrated through the Landon Turner Fund and player and family support.

Mike summarized part of these values “what I learned from Knight was the incredible passion it took to be successful, the amount of preparation and an understanding of the game to a level that I had not experienced.”

The values present during Mike’s career were discipline, sharing the same Knight’s meaning “discipline is doing what you are supposed to do”, honesty showed in his final decision that “he would remain at Duke” and solidarity.

On the other hand, even though Knight and Mike shared some important values, they have different characters, which had a considerable influence on their leadership styles, each one springing from different components of emotional intelligence, but each style with a distinct effect on the working atmosphere of their team. For example, Knight had a temper and colorful language, and he was intense and tough. In contrast, Mike was a talkative coach, friendly, constantly coaching, helping the team, giving advice but with character in the way of leadership. He worked with the players’ confidence levels, and established trust.

After describing their characters, I identified that their leadership styles were totally different:

Bob Knight was a complex leadership style, I think that some time he acted like a coercive leader, but he switched to authoritative leader to motivate his team toward a goal “the will to win.” It is important to know how he explains the coach’s style “coach has to be a tyrant, a benign benefactor, a parent. There’s a lot about coaching that is like an actor. You have to make yourself into different things at different times.” There are some examples, when Knight told his players to follow up our rules, do exactly what we tell you and you will not lose. He behaved as a coercive leader, “do what I tell you” according to Goleman (P.36). Another example was during his practicing which was based on rules or standards well defined. Additionally, he had a special motivational toolkit which included push-ups, wind sprints, and colorful language. It was typical characteristics of an authoritative leader. This style has the most positive effect on climate according to Goleman (P.35). Thus, Knight was very clear about when he had to play each coach style. He piled up recognized records in the history of college basketball. He was also a successful leader despite of his style. According to article published by Snook, Perlow and Delacey “a surprising number’s of Knight’s former players have gone on to coach in college (such a Mike Krzyzewski of Duke University) and the NBA (including Isiah Thomas and Mike Woodson, as well as others).” His controversial leadership style has another characteristic that could fit as a coaching leader who developed coaches for the future. As a leader,

Knight had undoubtedly personal values, and special character that were important pieces within his effective leadership. For example, Knight received strong critics of his style and he also was fired, but he was hired for well-known colleges, universities and teams. I think that his big mistake was his lack of emotional intelligence. His short temper did not help him to be an integral leadership.

Mike Krzyzewski (Coach K) has an integral leadership style for three reasons. The first reason is that Coach K switched between two styles of leadership. Mike was a democratic leader who encouraged consensus among his players participation. He defined his own style “I do not want to be a manager or a dictator. I want to be a leader – and leadership is ongoing, adjustable, flexible and dynamic.” (p.95). It was an excellent definition of democratic leadership.  Mike switched to a coaching leadership; when he wanted to know what his players were thinking. Then, he gave a constant coaching and feedback to his players. He was interested in teamwork, collaboration and communication among the players. Both styles of leaderships, democratic and coaching, have positive effects on working environment. The second reason, Mike has the ability to handle the relationships effectively with his players. His emotional intelligence was his main strength. His emotional capabilities consisted of:

1.      Self-awareness. He worked on the confidence levels.

2.      Self-management. There were not too many rules, but there was a discipline.

3.      Social Awareness. He looked into his players, and understood what they need, feeling empathy.

4.      Social skill. He became a visionary leadership who inspired others, and made strong influence on his players.

The final reason, Mike was in the level 5 leadership with his humility according to the article published by Colling. “Level 5 leader – an individual who blends extreme personal humility with intense professional will.” Mike showed a genuine personal humility blended with intense professional style. Mike credited “his coaching success and personal priorities to his upbringing.”